Washington, Dec 24: For the first time, Heath Ledger''s ex-fiancee Michelle Williams has opened up about her life since the actor's death.

The 30-year-old actress, who never discussed her relationship, said that she `understood' people''s curiosity about how she has coped with his death, reports ABC News.

After he died, Williams said she was comforted by reading `The Year of Magical Thinking' by Joan Didion, a book written about Didion''s difficulty in letting go of her husband, John Gregory Dunne.

"It didn''t seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door, or could appear behind a bush," she said. "In some ways, I am just, I am sad to be moving further and further away from it," she added.

Like Didion, who writes about how life can change in an instant, Williams said that she, `got kind of obsessed with that for a while, [the] ''before and after'. Despite the sorrow in her life, Williams is clearly mending and moving forward.

"If I could go back and tell myself at 15 that I would be allowed to make this kind of work and I would be in this kind of community, I wish I could tell that girl that everything was going to turn out okay in her work," she said. "It''s strange, at every point I was like, ''that''s enough for me'' and then I''d get given a little bit more," she added. (ANI)